Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
