i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
