We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
