I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
