why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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