I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
