Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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