its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
