This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
