I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
