if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's like God shit irony all over that family
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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