I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
