Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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