Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
