cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
