I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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