The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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