if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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