"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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