The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
