Small penises have feelings too.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
