I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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