Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
