so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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