Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
