I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize