I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
soo... how was my night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
