the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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