I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
