I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
