Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
