talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
