I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
