Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
