Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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