My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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