he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize