oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
