I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
