i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
