wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
