I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
