She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
