Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
