Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
