Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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