this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
