I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
