He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
