I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize