i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
did you just send me my own nude
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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