At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
