That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
