I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
