Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
