I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
