K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
