we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
