so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
