my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
