dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
