he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
