listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
