Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
