I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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