Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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