Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
