I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
