you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
