Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
