my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
