I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
