we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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