Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
