I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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