I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
