What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
